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18 May 2009 @ 05:46 pm
torture works, bitches.  
Last night, I electrocuted the testicles of a shifty-looking homeless man of obviously foreign origin.  Let's call him codename: Curvy Balls.

Curvy Balls revealed that he was a bioweapons engineer for Dick Cheney, and that Cheney and the Saudi Royal Family were part of a vast right-wing conspiracy to destroy America.  Suddenly, so much made sense.  I had suspected it all along.

This is a ticking time-bomb scenario here, people.  It now appears likely that Mr. Cheney had direct access to powerful weapons of mass destruction, as recently as last year.  We can't let this terrorist walk our streets.  The obvious course of action is immediate deportation of Enemy Combatant Cheney to one of our black-ops secret prison for further enhanced interrogation.  As soon as he caves, we'll have all the hard evidence we need to carpet bomb the Arabian Peninsula and Alabama, and roll up into Riyadh. 

Oh, it's on.